Check List

In order to get a good Asian Horror movie, one that'll have you gripping the sides of your seat while your eyes squint at the screen blurring out the nasty stuff, there are a couple of elements to watch out for. Here's a list to keep in mind during your visit to the video rental store:

1) The younger the ghost, the creepier. Little boys and girls will keep you looking over your shoulder. If the dead mommy is around, even better.
2) If there's a ghost, there's meant to be a rotting flesh scene. Turn off the lights in order to make it look more realistic.
3) Murdered lovers are vengeful. They usually have no mercy when looking for the next victim. Hit pause, rewind, and replay.
4) Hair is a must. Add water to it and the effect will make you look out for the dark strands while washing dishes (or brushing teeth, taking a shower, getting a glass of water, etc.).
5) There must be some choreography. Dead people walking around stiffly create an eerie effect. They should also manipulate the space/time continuum.
6) The ghost should physically show postmortem wounds.
7) If there's no ghost involved, there should be graphic scenes of self-mutilation or torture. Missing limbs add a bonus point.
8) There is always, ALWAYS a bathroom scene. The antagonist must make an appearance (or show a limb/hand). It's preferable if the ghost/psycho looks a bit ruffled around the edges.
9) The hand with dirty fingernails has to grab a shoulder, cover someone's eyes, play with hair, cover mouth, or grab neck/leg.
10) Maggots might be necessary. Or a cat.
11) If the assailant drowned, add lots of hair/water scenes. The dirtier, the better.